Ecstatic Joyous History of Playing the Video Games I Loved [Update: 04/05/23]

It all started with Wolfenstein 3D (which is technically not a 3D game – 2.5D you can call it, remember 3D games didn’t become standard until the Unreal engine became readily licensable)…which really required me to learn Windows DOS commands…I mean normally if you wanted to learn that level of geekdom unwittingly you would have to been born into some real obscure early internet-era schtuff. But for me it was Wolfenstein 3D. Why? Honestly, at 7 years old, it combined the [two things I loved most at that point: surprise violence and comedy…

Then came my Nintendo, Sega console days. I still remember my brother-in-law taking me to the video game store and Street Fighter 2 was about $72 and I knew that was a whole chunk of month’s groceries or something because I was thoroughly excited and guilty for this price tag — for this all time Arcade champion game. I fell in love with Ryu. The tattered gi, the stoic manner compared to free-loving love boy counterpart blond Ken. No, Ryu was only interested in the purity of the challenge-fight. Only lived for smashing bones and launching Hadukens. At least that is what the end story clip showed as he walked off into the sunset. Every character had an ending story clip and I think I played for that clip as much as the ninja skills button combinations and stage-space flying around, jockeying for position to launch attacks etc. I remember goddamn Blanka pissing me off with his strange electro shocking and brain eating ways.

Years later, would come the first excellent 90’s computer games. Deus Ex (the original PC version) was like Wolfenstein 3D point 2 so to speak. It not only combined cutting edge FPS (First Person [perspective] Shooter) gameplay, but also a film noir quality cyberpunk atmosphere and solid, nay, out of this world, role-playing game features. One of the best stories an action game will ever have IMO. And then, the variability of gameplay — presenting the player with multiple routes for using different weapons and skills to penetrate an area and enemies etc. The sneaking, spy-feel made for a titillating experience not matched in most games.

The next game that did it for me…probably Blizzard’s Diablo 2 (well D2 LOD would have been more up my alley, honestly) — I mean, I seriously lost significant hard earned time on that game…still worth the money haha.

How to explain Diablo 2 succinctly? For one, stop wasting time on useless rhetorical questions and place the reader in a damp constricting decrepit underground sewers strewn with titanic ghouls and deamons and skeletors and monsters of all kinds and your health is constantly being pricked to depletion so in between scurrying here and there and yelling wrong directions at your online comrades and herding and consequently blasting your infernal enemies with a gear shifting array of skills…then when all the bones and flesh are collecting into the gutters, comes the mad dash for true heart of Diablo 2: Wealth and Status!!

Nowadays I’m only fixated on what Yu Suzuki’s epic martial arts RPG/interactive-story the Shenmue series has in store. Shenmue 3 has been out on Steam and PS4 since 2019. I am still on the first real quest, trying to find this bookie. Finally beat the first character who would lead to this bookie for information. So far, there are some issues: Suzuki seems to have opted for a more Elder Scrolls, Horizon, et al, typical post GTA style open box world feel compared to the interactive movie style us Shenmue fans were used to. That narrow, interactive movie style with exploration being a sleuthing function. Ostensibly, there is no reason the feel should have changed much. We begin in Guillin, so beautiful with the Unreal engine graphics, that Sakura tree etc. You can go to the martial hall and train in mini-games, sparring, and monk fights. You can head into the General Store and work chopping wood, one of the best features thus far in the initial opening. If that doesn’t paint a sad picture a bit. But to be honest the wood chopping isn’t a bad mini-game.

Herb collecting for medicine-bunches to be sold to the General Store is also not a bad feature necessarily, but just not in the convention of the original two games, but as I said, creates a serene interaction with the environment.

The fight system: whoa Nelly. What can we say here? It is safe to assume thousands of Shenmue fans abound groaned and yelled phooey at this rubbery feeling fighting system compared to the karate crisp, parking lot noir Rocky-esque training at night, battle royale and QTE events, where the screen prompts a sequence of button reflex strikes. And that’s the other thing: the main impact, the heart here of Shenmue as an interactive movie, with the player existing to facilitate Ryo through these gameplay-cinematic moments, seems to have indeed been eschewed for an open box world. Sadly so. The QTE interactive nature (which was a good half of what the Shenmue gaming was) usually started off early scenes of the game, so the jury is still out whether Suzuki has QTE implemented later in the game. And as I gain more familiar with the clouded fight system, and perhaps more success, I shall be able to enjoy it more, but for now, Shenmue 3 is a 2.5 stars affair. I reserve hope still. Really, Shenmue 3 is like on of those Digimon baby pets, you have to put the work in to see it to the end.

I used to read every entry of PC Games magazine that’s how crazy I was about gaming. Nowadays I have trouble reviewing a simple smartphone RPG because it takes to Damn long to load. Makes me suspect if it is even worth playing because obviously it takes up too much of my phone CPU and graphics capability to play tolerable well. Then I upgraded my phone and tried this mobile game “Avalon” something or other. And it is, ironically enough, a series of battle sequence with story lines in an interactive movie style (in the most boring unimaginative way where the user is simply asked to click through pre-made choices and upgrades and production of units etc). Is this the tutorial? I’ve forgotten how involved tutorials are nowadays. In golden 90’s days and in the case of Shenmue, the user was thrown into the vortex of the story and/or game-play of the game’s introduction, and you were supposed to have read the instructions before hand. Imagine that, reading something to play!

Shenmue 3 in the end serves us as an Inception-like object-in-of-itself, as in a valuable training tool for how to find bugs. Which is terribly unfortunate but speaks to the incredible origins of the game as the first ever major budget PC game funded in a crowdsource, the largest Kickstarter at that time at nearly 1.1M dollars. And what a shame. The game could really have been an absolutely family friendly game. Beautiful Chinese Guillin rockscapes and a landscape rolling hills and night time markets with token games. A wondrous approach to youth in gaming, including a hide and seek mission that is adorable as it is difficult. A fight system that is actually quite enjoyable (why did you get rid of Jiu-Jitsu Yu Suzuki!!! It’s like you don’t know martial arts at all!!!) – karate striking system which gives the player a feel of anxiety just like a real fight. If future Skill Books reveal Jiu Jitsu techniques (and if I can ever get there given the game’s patient pace) – I will recant my position and say this game failed to fail in any way.

In any case it is moot! Why? The best game ever made (“run til dat!”) is Tetris. Seriously, it will never be surpassed in terms of level and coordination of skilled gameplay ability and what it lacked in narrative components it more than made up for in the quality of its soundtrack. 🙂

The Joy of reading the subscriptions my sister bought for me of–first, well it was Electronic Entertainment Magazine first, then the next year, they were PC Games Magazine, well I think that’s where they finally ended up on. They were Electronic Entertainment Magazine at first because they didn’t want to exclude Mac machines (I guess Apple hadn’t abandoned the game game at that point) –anyways look I read those issues every month, religiously. Of, course half the fun was those little funny adverts for half-porn games at the back of the issues, and like Leisure Suit Larry won game of the month twice I think….haha.

Taking Another Ship: The Softness She Breaks [Part 2]

[…]but this shot to go back and find her. To even check out that dusty bar…well it brings hope. Like a real drunk would say. Except I don’t want to go back to that bar for an expertly made Mai Tai or even to look like a cool thug. I am done with all those kinds of lives. I’m not even what you could designate as a business man any longer. I am simply a traveler. Selling his wares when he can. And I’m in love with a devilish spirit.

Shall I go on describing her in full detail. No, instead I will give you an idea of who I am. Basically, if you, like almost everybody these days is, familiar with fantasy novel jargon and video games you know of the warrior-bard character. That’s me. A well, misguided monk. Somebody who should have been put in front of wayward sinners to preach to, instead found himself with more desperate tongues to voice than a gifted schizophrenic on a busy train platform.

These days I am quite satisfied with a green tea. Jasmine green tea with a toasted rice crust. They served that on Tuesdays at the bar in question. The bar which stole my heart. Which left me worse off than homeless and hopeless last Detroit vacation.

Jasmine scented toasted topped green tea which, when consumed at the most climactic point of release for its aromatics – well, it’s better than most steaks consumed medium rare.

This girl. Simply named Joy. But regarded as The Witch of Green Lantern Lane, I swear, I would learn later it really did come down to how delicate those eyebrows were…

But first before any of this makes sense, I have to explain how my friend Chico got me in this mess in the first place. How Chico and I came to know each other, briefly, but more importantly how he taught me to be a man, and how he taught me how to pick the right ship…

Being a man? Simple. Finding the right woman. Find her? As easy as following your nose Chico would say.

But first you have to figure out how to save the world. Which involves money. So he always told me to look for the quickest most agile ship. When looking for a fishing boat, a boat of leisure, a hypothetical spaceship, doesn’t matter. Speed ĂĽber alles. And the goodship Eldelweis was as sleek as you can find. Red and Brown and Tan and Black classic lines. The colors of the united Han people. Anyways, a bow curve that makes you think of hot knives. Sails made of a textile not even classified it was so far ahead of its time. And you know all this because well, you were born for this. Since I new I could find all my answers challenging evil on the street. Looking death straight not in it’s mouth, but rather, in the last place you would look. In books…

But right now let me explain Chico to you: Tall. Brave. You could tell he was brave just by how he dealt with being himself. One, it was clear he was pretty insane. Two, it was clear he could walk through life being insane possibly without referendum. See, only if you have been fortunate to have really known this guy can you see his true genius was how he carried being loved by all, hating himself through it all, and a libertine, a true libertine, but always fighting for his principles. It didn’t make sense. He made comedy out of everything that could be wrong about him, but stood up for those whom he deemed to live the right way. And in the end, if you are a white knight such as Chico and I were, this was the only way to go about it. You don’t stand up for yourself only. You’re a knight. You’re a murderer trained with weapons.

But I mean yes, he could tell you exactly how to take apart a nobel prize winning physics thesis and understand it, improve upon it, and submit it, and win one of your own. But he couldn’t tell you where he was going to be next month. Shit. No. He gave up on this before we even knew it was going to be an issue. (We — us in the old Uni).

And he for sure brought me to Joy. Joy-san I called her, preserving the honorific. To the Chinese it was “seifu”. So we called her Joy-seifu. You know, most of us never even got close enough to realize she used cloves as deodorant. She saved money this way and also it was a sign of her nature worshipping ways. And though the lucky ones of us got close enough to tell, we were so in love with her we could only smell our own stress-sweat. (Chico hater her).

Joy-san is what I secretly called her. I preferred the Japanese way most times. The other reason I gave in to this life: the food. It’s not just dim sum yakuza-triad conference buffet dinners. No, more dazzling than the women and money and shinier than any glazed Rolex watch – this intoxicating level of pleasure from food – on the streets under smoke filled tarps – by the estuary outside the city where you could feast on prime soy fermented crab meat like a true villager. It is what keeps even the most weary of us stuck in life’s throes…always something or another am I right?

So from Chico I learned how to be a man. From Joy I learned godliness. She eventually did teach me everything she knew about Mother Earth and challenging the frontiers of your own psyche…before she even threw down the sea-walls of my reluctance, my secret, she became my hah, well, math tutor to be honest.

It indeed started with her teaching me about linear algebra…it’s all just matrices Hans. This was before she used me to escape prison. Before I had the confidence to overcome any mortal danger…

Matrices. Before I can tell you about what makes a matrix important I have to explain to you the difference between a set and a list. Both are a collection of objects. But a set is unique objects only. That is, no repetition. A list’s items can repeat themselves. Both sets and lists are iretable, which means they are essentially repeating objects that the computer cycles through. Both are objects in themselves.

Leaving the 1804

To the beautiful ebony girl up front the bus (firm of body and tougher than you):

You have your hair plastered and straight. But I sense you do not shy from your afro curls. It’s just a comely style. And you are proud but tired like we all are.

I caught you looking at me looking at you. My first thought is would you give me a chance to validate my body on yours. Could I taste you and melt you.

What is it you really want. Because I dont have it.

But give me a chance. I wouldn’t do you wrong. You would break my heart and move on and be no worse for it. I would drown until the next one resuscitates me.

The Kid

The Kid is stupendous. He survives against terrible odds – ghouls and gangsters around every corner – and he is not wise, yet the kid escapes death every time. The Kid’s been ready to die. But death ain’t ready for him. They say he has angels looking out for him. But the angels carry God’s word, and The Kid is deaf to the Lord — no, he feels the Lord. The Kid survives because he closes his eyes and lets his spirits guide him through thorn brush and quagmire all the way home.

The Kid can fly. He used to fly. 10 feet in the air and 19 feet broad. 19 feet through the air – that’s flying. He can fly again.

The Kid knows evil. The evil that men do. The evil that is in all hearts, somewhere deeper or not so deep. He knows anything is possible with anyone who forgets humility. Or anyone, really. Depends on the cards that get dealt. But The Kid wants peace above all. Not Peace and Love. The Kid knows not to trust love with peace. Love demands preference. Love wants protection at any cost. Lie, steal, kill for me, love says. No, The Kid believes in peace and respect. Common decency, as Vonnegut cried for — the antidote to a world poisoned by the Will to Power. A world that chose the Affirmation of Machine over the Harmony of Mother.

The Kid is chill above all. But that is just one side of an oxymoronic stillness of perpetual oscillation. He chills to breeze through the tension. The tension of mistrust. Of negativity. Friends and snakes. Nine milli’s and 38’s. Hell or the Pearly Gates. It’s always the extremes. If The Kid isn’t chill, he is hating himself. Usually.

Every once in a stellar alignment, The Kid falls in love with himself. And the world feels his magnanimity. He bursts with Chi. He does the sacred arts at the bus stop. He sings the songs that pierce through the heavens. The notes the mad ones hear across the winds of solitude and despair. But this love never lasts. It betrays as love is ought to do, and The Kid is oft left to recover bedside, his Chi spent doing errands in the spirit world.

The Kid knows there is no enemy like the self. He doesn’t believe he can conquer his demons. But The Kid gets to know his demons better with every passing moon and with every season he knows how to trick those demons into letting him get by.

That’s all The Kid really wants: to get by.

And good friends and hearty jokes. And a brave woman to share the last sunsets with.

A Blessed Lament

campingBlanket

Into whom can I transform to be your light?
Can I survive my curssed self one more day with the hope of someday holding your hand?
Would you chose me if you could have the whole world?
But that is what I would bring to you, every path, every moon, every honey laced cake and chocolate fountain, every hearth’s warmth. And let me dissolve into all of it. One pull. One push. One tear of my soul to empty into the void if it could take away your pain for a thousand lives to come
Even if I never felt your caress
I could disappear from everything God has breathed on, happy as a child, imagining your touch like a blanket made of the wool of the most blessed lamb

Selections from The Rules of Acquisition

Quark

1) Once you have their money, you never give it back.

6) Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

9) Opportunity plus instict equals profit.

10) Greed is eternal.

16) A deal is a deal.

17) A contract is a contract is a contract…but only between Ferengi.

21) Never place friendship above profit.

31) Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother.

33) It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

34) War is good for business.

35) Peace is good for business.

45) Expand or die.

47) Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

48) The bigger the smile the sharper the knife.

59) Free advice is seldom cheap.

74) Knowledge equals profit.

75) Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.

76) Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

94) Females and finances don’t mix.

98) Every man has his price.

109) Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

190) Hear all, trust nothing.

211) Treat employees like the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t be afraid to step on them to get to the top.

285) No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Does God Hate Gays or Is He Just Jealous of the Competition?

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/df/Baal_Ugarit_Louvre_AO17330.jpg/220px-Baal_Ugarit_Louvre_AO17330.jpg

Ken Collins convincingly demonstrates in his article “The Rescue of Lot: Gay People and the Bible”, Ken Collins’ Web Site, that the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah is incorrectly interpreted as being evidence of God’s wrath against homosexuality, and is instead a story of God showing a merciful attitude towards the righteous (Lot and his people) when executing divine justice.

In this post I will paraphrase Collins’ arguments and represent his key points.

Summary of the story of the Rescue of Lot:

Lot is Abraham’s (the sole favored person above all people of the one true God) nephew and he took up residence in Sodom after traveling from abroad. Abraham, with his wife Sarah, is living in a tent outside the town when three men approach him. These turn out to be God and two angels. God tells Abraham about His plan to destroy Sodom and sends the angels to execute the order. Abraham pleads with God to spare the town, making the argument,

“Perhaps there be fifty righteous within the city; wilt Thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein? That be far from Thee to do in this manner — to slay the righteous with the wicked.” Genesis 18:24-25, King James Bible.

There then follows a cascade of bargaining (what about if there were 45 righteous? 30? etc) ending with God agreeing that if 10 people can be found to be righteous in the town he will levy mercy for their sake. Next, the angels find Lot at the gate of the city, whereupon Lot offers them lodging and food, they decline, Lot insists, and he takes them into his home. An angry male mob of the townspeople then appear before Lot’s house demanding to “know” the two strangers. Here is where most anti-gay Christians interpret that the mob are true to form sodomites and not just Sodomites (people of Sodom), since in Hebrew, Greek, and subsequently, in English, to know means both to have sex with and to be acquainted with. Lot responds with a counter-offer of giving his two daughters to the crowd that they may leave his guests alone and respect the Jewish responsibility towards hospitality. This reaffirms the anti-gay theme to those who ascribe to it, since they see that Lot is so desperate to save himself from these gay gang-rapists that he will sacrifice his virgin daughters.

The angels then create an opportunity for Lot to escape by blinding the crowd and urge him to pack up and leave because they were sent there to destroy the city. Lot hesitates at first and the angles have to basically force him to leave, and Lot then takes up in the town of Zoar before ultimately hiding in the mountains. The angels then destroy the town, which is now populated only by the wicked and so God’s justice may be beyond doubt righteous.

Ignoring some other perplexing details of this story, like the fact that Lot’s daughters date-rape their father with wine due to lack of any other men in their mountain stead, Genesis 19:31-36, let’s focus on ascertaining whether God punished the Sodomites for being gay or whether there is another interpretation to this tale.

One main point that Collins emphasizes is that God had already decided that the town was sinful and deserving of being dealt with via mass destruction before the angels ever get there, “And the Lord said, ‘Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous…” Genesis 18:20. Again in Genesis 19:13, after the angles urge Lot to take his people and escape, we see that it is not the crowd’s demonstration of rapacious homosexual lust that exacts God’s judgement but rather an already foretold “cry”, a vague testimony of the Sodomites sin by an undisclosed source: “For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them has waxed great before the face of the Lord, and the Lord hath sent us to destroy it.”

Collins cites another Bible-contradiction of the homosexual-sin theory via James 1:13-14, which states that no temptation to do evil comes from God. And seeing as how the angels first insist on spending the night in the street out in the open, and seeing as how they are acting in accordance with God’s justice, it doesn’t follow that provoking the supposed homosexual sinfulness of these men by staying out in public would be in God’s plan. Though I don’t see this point as being as strong as Collins’ other arguments, it is definitely interesting to note. What is more important is focusing on the fact that the angels want to stay in the street, which for Collins supports the view that the angels understand that the citizens of Sodom are concerned with outsider intrigue rather than sexual crimes.

Next Collins cites the contradiction that God seems to be judging the Sodomites for a crime they have yet to commit (raping Lot and his guests) while saying nothing of Lot’s crime of offering his two daughters to appease the mob’s sexual appetite. This contradiction is solved if we simply come to realize that there is no direct evidence that this story is about homosexual sin and also that Lot doesn’t necessarily offer his daughters up as sexual victims. Let’s look at 19:9 “Let me, I pray you, bring [the daughters] out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes.” Combined with the fact that Lot calls the men outside his door his “brethren” we can reasonably conclude that Lot does not feel threatened here by homosexual rape.

Collins brings to light the fact that during this time in the Bible it was common for towns to be engaged in tense, often violent, conflict with each other in local warfare and so it was natural that an angry crowd rose up in response to an outsider, Lot, bringing in two complete strange men into his home after dark, which is when this scene takes place. Thus, Lot’s offering of this daughters is not a contradictory prostitution but rather a hostage bargaining chip move in the negotiation of this tense situation. Again, Lot says, “do ye to them as is good in your eyes” and not something like, “have your way with them” which we might expect him to say in the case of sexual violence being the concern.

Finally, Collins illuminates the most likely source of Sodom’s and Gomorrah’s sinful status: pagan cult (heterosexual) prostitution. It was well known that most of the Canaanites were pagan worshipers of fertility and nature deities. From the website That the World May Know we can see that these pagans worshiped an all powerful Baal, who commanded storms, and along with his mistress/mother, Asherah, of the Asherah devotion poles noted in places like 2 Kings 21:7, were thought to be responsible for the land’s great fertility. Part of this worship was cult temple prostitution whereby the head priest engaged in ritualistic (heterosexual) orgies with his female priestesses in an act of magical union with the perceived fertility of the land. Thus these devotees of Baal and Asherah are prostituting themselves for the gain of bountiful harvests for their cities.

In conclusion, we see that the Genesis story of the Rescue of Lot is a) a testimony of God’s mercy towards the righteous and b) evidence of His wrath against pagan (again, HETEROSEXUAL) sex-cult practices and not, as commonly believed, proof of his stance on homosexual sin.

Also, I think Evil knew all along that his pager was her demise. And that, even these pagans were sinful in their turn.

Love Across the Ether

Crystal is clear under an Arabian moon
Disjointed and frustrated under the busy blazing sun’s day
A fierce passionate heart screams through delicate silky lips
An exotic visage catches the lust of repressed desert men
Fate keeps her prince across seas and chains of circumstance
Would that he could rob a corrupt urseror with a dreamer’s blade
Buy a magic carpet and whisk her away
Grant her a free life and hold her bound by tender kisses at night
From her pretty toes to her woman’s rose to her dainty nose
And bite her nipples to let her know
That he has to drink her in nice and slow
But only the stars can tell what desire has in store
So they dream of love and they dream for more

Hyperspace Rider

hyper-intellectual, too fast with the sexual
not to spread my seed
but to fuck away bad dreams
visions of dead bodies reamed
through the seams of they guts
impaled on Genghis Khan’s nuts
2 billion Chinese
got the white man thinking murder again
the hood already way ahead
only our gats never fire in the same direction
strays catch innocents, derelicts, past due tenants
if Respect was respected we’d be the ultimate force
the masses never lose we just change our course
from slaves and peasants to the fliest
whether you wear mad Gucci or Chevy-truck lifted
they all hustlin’ for the riches, a made-man’s princes
just keep in mind the boogie man fly in the middle of the night
and he pushin’ 1000 Ki’s in a single night
about 20,000 G’s just to feed one battalion
and a 100,000 G’s for a drone to bring any thug to his knees
(any time anywhere from the sky rain or hail)
and they hit squad alone got 80 of these.

Four Seemingly Independent Poems

Boxing is nice
with pillows
less so with gloves

pandemonium exists
lie a hiss
and it all poof disappears
throw your music to the left
because Satan needs love too

now that I found love
I am a slave
with perfect programming
and millions of ambitions
in my dreams

feathers of the same bird stay together
because gravity is the strongest force
not physically
but because it binds all matteria
the good and the bad